well praise God!!! my results back and i did pass two and fail two hehe..but i tried my best and i'm pretty happy with my marks...eventhough it is pretty bad to fail two important subjects like physics and chemistry but well at least i improved and i pass two!!!haha and that is because God guide me through my exams and help me remember a lot of things...hehe just got my report back yesterday...first time 2 reds!!haha hopefully mummy and daddy will chill about it...now is like 2.07pm and i just can't stop thinking about so many things...these pass few days were my worst days in school...i had the musical drama audition last week and man it sucks like hell...the storyline was really good actually but it's just when i had rehearsals no one coorperated with me...sometimes i just wish that they know how hard is it for me to handle all these things...well when the audition was drawing nearer everyone starts to help and all and i was so grateful that they did...everyone helped eventhough sometimes they just kill me...arghH!!! but the important thing is that they came for rehearsal and they helped...well the whole audition thing didn't work out is mainly because the mike couldn't work...the PA system was terrible and the judges didn't even bother to look at us..actually a particular one...i mean the judges are teachers and teachers are suppose to know that they should give respect too to the students hard work eventhough they it is terrible but is the initiative that counts...but teachers don't get it...they may be the boss of us but they don't know the rights...anyways after the audition i felt so upset and angry at the judges and the systems and all and at time i did a big mistake...and i never forgave myself for it...because of one stupid musical night i lose all my friends...that day this guy, he told me a wrong thing that made all these misunderstanding between my close friends to happen...well surprisingly that guy doesn't give a damn about it..making me held responsible of this whole thing...and indeed it is my fault...when i looked back at that day i can't imagine that i actually said those words to him...and i regret saying it...he didn't deserve those harsh words...we used to be always laughing and giggling about everything but now it's all different...when he pass me, we don't smile at each other anymore but he just treats me like a nobody...i don't know how to make him forgive me...and also his friends well practically his gang is also piss with me... i'm sorry for what i've said..i am really sorry but i want them to know that all these is a misunderstanding...and when i am piss that day, i didn't even think at all and when i saw him i just scolded him because of what that guy had said to me, it had something to do with him and is definitely something i didn't want to hear that day especially it had something to do with the musical drama...and of course i should have asked whether is that true first before i shouted at him but the fact is i was angry...and i believe that when a person is angry and upset i don't think you can even think for a second whether he/she is right when you hear something about him/her...i'm not saying this cause i am trying to cover my mistakes but is just kind of the fact...he is so angry with me..i can't even described it... he had to know that the guy said this" ******* said to the guys that you said that you definitely pass the audition" i got piss of that is because i never said anything like that and it's just everytime their gang put words in my mouth..i just can't stand the fact i am always the one get blame and always the one they pick on... i mean why must it be me...like all the things that happened they just blame it on me eventhough i didn't say anything or even do anything...seriously that is why i am so piss that time...i need them to know how sorry i am for what i did...i said sorry a few times already to them but unfortunately they can't forgive me...i just hope one day they will know that i'm very sorry and that it is all a misunderstanding and that i never meant a word i said to them..hopefully that one day comes real soon because i can't stand that we all close friends don't talk anymore...
on sunday when i read the bible i learnt two important things which were;
"The tougue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire." (James 3:5)
from this i realise that before i speak i should ask," is it true?"...and because i didn't and i speak, i set the forest on fire... that forest is the friendship between my guy friends...and because one stupid misunderstanding, the forest is on fire... and i learnt to not speak before the truth is spoken...and i know that i am wrong and i know i spoke at the your time and i need to control my tougue...well in James i know that we all makes mistakes. For if we could control our tougues,we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way...but we are not perfect...and i made a huge mistake which i would trade for anything to take back what i did...

the next thing is;
from Matthew 18:21-33
the rabbis taught that Jews should forgive those who offend them up to three times. Peter asked Jesus, if forgiving someone for the same offense seven times was good enough. But Jesus reply, was a hint that forgiveness was to be offered always.When it comes to forgiving others, are you like a convenience store-open 24/7 or like a store with limited hours?

Jesus forgave us everytime we sinned and why that He can forgive but we can't forgive others...we should forgive others as He forgave us eventhough the thing to be forgiven is so hard and hurtful and harsh but whatever it is we all should forgive each other always... Jesus said we should forgive people seventy times seven and not seven times...
from this we all should forgive each other like how Jesus forgave us...
and from what had happened between me and my friends... i just hope that they will forgive me too as i forgave them for all these years for what they did to me...last year so many commotion that happened and well unfortunately i was kind of the victim for all...like the teacher's day thing...what they hurt so much and they thing it's funny...fine i don't mind they disturb me because it is funny but they need to know their limit and especially that day what they did was just so damn hurtful..but after they said sorry which was after a few days like 3 or 4 maybe i forgave them...and i'll tell u the truth it wasn't easy..but i forgave them because they said sorry to me...that sorry means a lot to me and it meant something so i forgave them because i know it came from their heart...but after that other things happen again but i forgave them still...well and on sunday when i read that in matthew i realise that that what i did was what God wants me to do..to be always open for forgiveness and i thought yeah i did...i was glad but then i realise i didn't forgive one person until now...and that is someone i love always...my dad... what he did to all of us, is just hard to forget and forgive but then now he is back!! he is my dad and he knows it is wrong and now he is trying to change and i thought why can't i forgive him and why can't i give a chance...i guess is just my stubbornness inside me but now i know that if God forgave him and gave him a chance and i should too as God forgave me for everything i did...if God can forgive someone who murdered someone and he realised it and he was given a chance by God...that is kind of hard to forgive but God did it...and my dad deserves a chance and i am sorry that i didn't forgive him until now..i love that he is back!!!

from what i had learnt, i just wish that my friends will forgive me too...i am so sorry for what i did to them..i am really sorry..i didn't mean too...i'm just so tired that i am always the one that get blame and i'm sorry...i am really sorry..but please guys understand why this happened and please understand that i am so sorry and i never meant for this to happen...please forgive me...

Lord, will they ever forget about what happened and forgive me?? will they?? when?? will they do it like you said, forgive and forget about it as people makes mistakes??i am so sorry...i guess i deserve it too but ain't it going to get old and when will it end...sorry i justpray they will know how sorry i am i am really really sorry...

well i want to talk to them but i don't know how because i'm afraid they will walk away if i talk to them...i believe that all of these quarreling that had been happening since last year is for a reason and to me is like a challenge on how strong our friendship is..the devil is trying is so hard to break my friends and me apart but all these time we managed to get threw and became best buddies again..and these time is the worst...devil is really trying so hard to break us and it might be working this time but i am not going to let that happen...because our strength between our frienship that is given by God is more powerful than a devil's power...so i am not going to give up saying sorry and make them understand until we become best friends again!! and i believe God is so happy that we all always become best buddies again after a big fight and i believe He is guiding us to be back together again and not let the DEVIL succeed at ALL!!! and hopefully we will become one again and they would forgive me...

only words i can now is

I'M SORRY GUYS!!

WOW!!!i didn't update at all!!!! now everything is just so confusing.....i just finished my exams and hopefully i'll be able to pass 2 out of 4 haha....that's my aim!!! haha well for asessment i did really badly...so this time i have get better results...haha anyways i have this musical drama in my school to take care of..It's like everything's is just falling apart...i mean no one wants to cooperate and if this doesn't go well my head will be totally chop off by madam voon....I'm really trying and it's like everyone just don't seems to care...for goodness sake, this is everyone's responsibility...i just hope tommorow as it will be our first rehersal i hope everyone listens to me(fingers cross)...Audition is like next monday and we haven't started anything yet and i just wish we can pass and everyone cooperates....the time when i asked to have meeting it was so hard to even talk to them...they even want to listen, some even came late....luckily i had danielle to help me...so thanks to her they listened...tommorow wil be the dancing practice so hopefully it will be done tommorow...

school is just so complicated right now...i can't wait for it to be over actually...with all this and plus the things that are going on with my family...hrmmm i don't think i can even think for one second with all these problems that just keeps building up each day...the burglars just keeps coming and coming to my home...they broke into my dad's shop for 3 times already....and the third time was just last friday...that was really scary...there was 4 guys that try to break into my dad's shop...but they failed cause we caught them in time...they did it around 5 o'clock....my dad went down to see what happened and he wanted to go to the police and he did but on his way he bumped into 4 of them near yoshi corner....and they try to block my dad and they even threw stones towards the car...my dad drove off and it hit one of the guy by accident...so my dad went to make a report of the break in plus bout the accident but he wasn't sure whether he did but my dad assumes that he did....so after that it was okie until in the morning they came back and they smashed my car the old camri...it was wow!!! i think that describes it...i have a picture of it so i'll post it the next time... they smashed in during the day and there's like people working...i don't understand how the workers is so stupid..they can just look and didn't do anything...it just doesn't make sense... so now my dad is kind of worried so he asked my uncle to stay with in case anything happened...i'm glad my uncle came too....but i know everything is going to be okay...haha

i'm just confuse with my dad now...today he was so fierce and angry at me and my mum...we both just felt that it was weird because no one done anything...so it's just have this feeling that he is keeping something from us...well he has changed this year...i don't know daddy anymore...is like when my mum and I came back from the barber he actually locked his room door so we were kinna of confused why he did that but i guess maybe it's just an accident...i just miss my dad...

oh yeah...we had a party for caleb yesterday as it was his birthday...it was fun fun fun fun!!! haha he loved it!!! i'm really happy we did that for him...the surprise was stupid haha everyone hide and me and sam was trying to light the candle and by that time caleb and his siblings were standing there looking at us all confused...haha and then we both just laughed and laughed and then we just send surprise hahaha it was stupid but funny so yeah haha hope this is his best birthday ever....haha HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CALEB!!!!!!!:)

i have loads of pictures to update so i will update it soon ..when i get the pictures...good luck for me tommorow....hopefully my musical drama goes well and my exam results is not bad...haha fingers cross!!! hearts beating!! haha let's see!!!!